On “having sex”

At a seminar I attended a few years back, Peter J Williams, Principal of Tyndale House, Cambridge, gave an enlightening comment on the expression “having sex”. He said the expression was not used before the late 1950’s. When you think about the way these words are formulated, you can compare them with similar expressions such as, “having a great holiday”, of “having a good breakfast”; on the negative side you could talk about “having a bad night out”, or having a headache. Think about that way of formulating those words: the word “having” – whether something enjoyable or distressing – underlines essentially the self-centredness of one’s assessment.

Now when it comes to sexual union, selfishness should, ideally, have no place; in former times it was modestly referred to as “the act of love”. To speak self-centredly of “having sex” is a very degrading way of referring to the highest and purest experience of love between a man and his wife at the most intimate level. It debases that which is to be highly honoured into the satisfying of a rather base appetite.

I believe God made humans as sexual beings. It’s right there on page 1 of the Bible. But why, you may ask, did God give us humans such a powerful sexual appetite? Why did he link sex with such deep pleasure? Was he not putting a potent temptation in the human heart?

When you refer to page 1 of Genesis, you read God’s strong encouragement to the man and the woman he had made, to “have sex”. He didn’t use those words, of course; he said, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Genesis 1.28). In other words, have children! (That would evidently involve sexual union). We may conclude that God gave humans the pleasurable sexual instinct so that they may be motivated to have families. God’s plan for maximum sexual happiness is spelt out in those first three chapters of Genesis. God instituted marriage by creating Eve when Adam was all alone; God brought her to him, expounding his first principle of marriage: “the man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall be one flesh” (i.e. be united sexually).

When Jesus was teaching on this theme, he added “they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19.6). This is why adultery is condemned in the Ten Commandments and throughout the Bible. “Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13.4).

This is the Master plan for “good sex” – sex without guilt. Those who are conscious of having sinned in the area of sex often suffer the psychological pain of deep, repressed guilt: however, they can know that God is able both to forgive and wipe away all the transgressions of the past, sexual as well as others. God can renew the heart and mind of repentant believers in Christ so that as they commit to honour God’s guidelines, they can overcome temptation in this area.

Those who follow biblical wisdom experience the very best way to fulfilment in the area of sex. The Christian perspective also shows the way to deeper, more spiritual pleasures: to do the will of God in all areas of our lives, not just the sexual, is the way to true human fulfilment. The profound spiritual joy of maintaining a cleansed well-taught conscience is priceless! By the grace of God, I can testify to this myself.

Clive Every-Clayton

June 17, 2024 0

Relationships

What contributes most to human happiness? Surely loving relationships must come high, if not first, on the list. Of course, good health, sufficient finances, and a decent place to live contribute a lot to our happiness. But the Good Book says, “Better is a poor meal where love is than a great feast with hatred” (c.f. Proverbs 15.17). To experience true love is joy of a deep kind that seriously boosts our level of happiness.

The search for true love is therefore a big part of our existential quest, for human relationships can be the source of great pleasure if they are good; however, they can be the cause of much pain if they are bad. Either way, they are an intricate part of everyone’s existence and the object of the deepest human longing.

The first difficulty, of course, is finding that special someone to love. But even when he or she is found, the next difficulty is putting up with their negative traits! The problem is that whoever we love, they are never 100% good, kind, loving, faithful, truthful etc. all the time. Not only that, they see and criticise our faults too!

What the human heart really yearns for is to find a perfect partner with whom we could enjoy a deep and lasting relationship of mutual love. Have you ever wondered why we so long for that? It is certainly not because we have evolved to want to pass on our genes to the next generation: such a ridiculous suggestion demeans our human nature and debases the whole concept of love. No: rather, our passion for love issues from our having been created in the likeness of a God of passionate love.

Why does Christianity alone declare that “God is love” (1 John 4.8)? Because it reveals a Triune Godhead where Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have existed forever in a relationship of love. Jesus said that the Father loves the Son and that he loves the Father; and the Spirit of God sheds abroad God’s divine love in the hearts of believers (John 5.20, 14.31, Romans 5.5). So love is of the very essence of God. He did not need to create in order to have someone to love; the love within the persons of the divine Trinity was totally fulfilling. He created humans capable of love so that he might have the pleasure of loving them and receiving love from them. This is one of the key reasons for our existence – we are designed so as to enjoy a loving relationship with God. If we do not experience that we suffer dysfunction!

Not that God is against human love: he grants us also the relative joy of loving human relationships. Having created Adam, he insisted it was not good for him to be alone, because he was a loving person with no companion. So God instituted marriage and created Eve. Before they sinned, their relationship was a wondrous reflection of the loving relationship between the three persons of the Trinity. In that relationship, that first couple which was truly human like we are, was able to enjoy the gift of sexual union according to God’s intention and have a family, with a third little human to love and which would return their love. Thus the love of the Trinity would be even better reflected.

So love is so vital for us because we are image-bearers of a God of love. But full satisfaction in love can only come from a loving harmonious relationship with our loving Creator and saviour.

Clive Every-Clayton

January 1, 2024 0

Good, evil, and sex

As we think about our major existential preoccupations, sex is not far from our thoughts. If you’re just zeroing in on this blog without the context of what I have written already on a more general note, it would be well if you looked back on those earlier posts.

Those who read the one about distinguishing good from evil, will have noted that in the biblical lists of sins, “sexual immorality” holds a predominant place. Now, God is not against sex: let us be clear – he invented it, after all. He it is who has endowed us with this most powerful – and pleasurable – of instincts; God is not against sex per se. In fact, our wise and holy Creator made us as sexual beings – indeed, from the moment of the creation of our human species, he ordered humans to have sex: “Be fruitful and multiply” were his words.

So right from the start, our intelligent Creator had in mind the ordering of this precious gift of human sexuality. Not only did he encourage sexual intimacy, he set in place guidelines that lead those who follow them into the fullest enjoyment of sexual pleasure. So when Jesus and the New Testament include “sexual immorality” in a list of sins, the reference is to the misuse of this wonderful gift that God has given us.

The original Greek word used by Jesus was porneia which basically covers all sexual activity outside of heterosexual marriage. According to much-loved biblical scholar William Barclay, it is “quite a general word for unlawful sexual intercourse and relationships”. He refers (in “Flesh and Spirit”, a book published in 1962) to the “unnatural vice” of incest, such as that of Caligula and his sister Drusilla. Furthermore, “From the highest to the lowest, society was riddled with homosexuality”, Barclay informs us, “which was a vice which Rome learned from Greece”. Furthermore, “evidence… for the unspeakable sexual immorality of the world contemporary with the New Testament”, Barclay tells us, comes “not from Christian writers, but from pagans who were disgusted with themselves”.

But let’s be positive. The marriage union between one man and one woman is God’s prescription for blessing, deep satisfaction, and joy in bringing into the world little humans made in the image of their parents. Every engineer who creates some technology or machinery has in mind its functioning, and writes instructions for its proper use. So it is with our Creator whose very clear instructions channel the human sexual impulse for the good of the couple and of society. Jesus quotes Genesis chapter 2 to teach that God instituted marriage in which “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh”. They are a couple whom “God has joined together” and therefore, he adds, “let not man separate” (Matthew 19.5-6).

This ideal remains the best way to use and enjoy the wondrous gift of sexual instinct that God has given us. Obviously, there is a lot more that could be said. But let me close with something important: since this is an area where many are tempted to launch out into ways not prescribed by God, and consequently may feel – and try to repress – a deep and serious burden of guilt, we should know that our gracious and wise God has made a way for our sins – yes, even our sexual sins – to be wiped away, totally forgiven, and a new start to be offered to those who turn to the Saviour whose sacrificial death makes forgiveness possible.

Clive Every-Clayton

October 30, 2023 0